Close of Service

Why am I going home 7 months earlier than planned?

A few weeks ago, our post and headquarters gave all K22 volunteers two options. We could continue with service, have to deal with the emotional and tiring visa process, and stay in country. The second option was to COS early, go home and be finished with our lives here in Kyrgyzstan.

Before these options were presented, I was certain I would stay until the summer – if the government allowed for that of course. I felt confident in my stubbornness and how it has kept me in country for this long. Why not 7 more?  Once I read the email with our options, my gut told me to go. And once I took a step back, I found it harder to justify me staying. I wasn’t feeling fulfilled in my work, in fact I dreaded teaching. My few clubs this year were a gentle reminder why I decided to join the Peace Corps in general, though draining in their own right. The general sentiment of strangers in the city were usually somewhere in between indifferent and hostile. The government continuing their suspicions of the people who were trying to help only echoed the feeling of being unwelcome.

In all honesty, the reason for leaving was not so much the temporary enjoyment of American food and being able to travel at night. It was about a feeling of completion I have for my service, and a desire for the autonomy of myself. My service has been difficult, and many days I questioned my decision of coming at all. These bad days, combined with daily harassment, created an incredibly negative space. Also, my projects and activities had been planned to end in December, there was little more for me to finish in such a short period of time.

Looking back, I’m still so proud of myself for achieving this dream and coming to Kyrgyzstan, but now it’s time to go. The moment I made my decision, it felt right. I don’t want it to seem like I was not happy with my life in Kyrgyzstan. In many ways it was an amazing life and has changed me– I hope – for the better. There is no way I can accurately explain what it’s like; living with a Kyrgyz family, teaching students who are unmotivated, creating projects and clubs you feel passionate about, and of course building relationships with other volunteers.

So now I’m here in the airports of the world, sitting, eating and sleeping off my Kyrgyz hangover. I am so exciting to make decisions for myself and maybe feel like a grown up by this time next year.

Please have patience with me family and friends if I roll my eyes at your first world problems. It will take some time to adjust.